the feeling of knowing something bad is going to happen and yet not being able to do anything about it is lingering over my head. i’m empty and my thoughts are just thoughts. building up the feelings of hopelessness and failure in me, i’ve almost come to the conclusion that maybe my life is not worth all the support and expectations. being at the top of the radar since forever has not made my life easier. i’ve denied thoughts of simply being unhappy because i can’t and shouldn’t be unhappy. what have i lost? what don’t i have to be unhappy? i have no reasons not to be happy and yet i am. how can i end this without making the end chaotic. everyone’s got their fair share of problems but why does it seem to me that mine are simply impossible solve. i wish it was 2009 already because then i can look back and simply replay the memory but not have to feel the same pain. dear god, i really need your help this time.